http://www.electusmatari.com/forums/show...p?tid=8478
Small chronicle on some of the recent thoughts of Arkady. I tried to make it interesting even for those not involved in that particular story arc - I hope I managed that.
Feedback welcome.
As a side note, I didn't find anyone suitable to engage during that patrol through the war zone.
I liked it; then again I know the IC chat that sparked this. Making Kady insane too probably won't help Else's sanity but that's the way life goes. Let's murder someone.
Can't comment on comprehensibility etc; I know too much of what the piece is about from other play to figure out if it was readable by someone else...
Grammar and flow seem fine for a mood piece. Nitpicks:
"and as there was no fighting imminent, so they were working on compensating this anomaly"
"So" is redundant when you already have "as".
Botched emphasis markup in the chapter that starts ""Time will not heal such wounds. Quite to the contrary. Such wounds left alone..."
Oh, and to add: I liked it how you describe the pod life-support functions, reminds me of your crew piece. I am generally sort of vague on how I imagine the internal workings of ships, so it is interesting to read other people's views (as long as they are PF compliant, anyway).
Not knowing what this is referring to at all...
It works as a stand alone piece about podpilot mentality and what drives some of us forward to do the destructive things we do.
I liked it
That was probably the best piece I have read so far - very well written, included relevant technobabble without it dominating the story and very accessible. I'm doubly impressed as you did it in your second language!
I liked it very much.
Good stuff.
I grokked very quickly that this was a description of Arkady's thought processes. The ending didn't seem unreasonable either.
I find myself regretting not picking up on the events that provide the background to this though.
That was a good read, thanks!
excellent piece of writing. was a good reading and insight.