Electus Matari Forums

I have a blog I use occasionally. As an advance warning, I can be cynical at times and have been known to rant into the void to get things off my chest. Oh yeah, stupid thing displays the newest first so some of it might not make sense if you haven't read what comes before.

http://ysoldexen.blogspot.com/

((Stuff in the [[ ]] brackets are stories rather than first-person blog entries.))

<<Blog excerpt: 11/07/23341>>

Found something sent to me by an old Gallente friend, one Monty Tomasi. It was one of the last things he mentioned before he went planetside. Wonder how he's doing these days?

HOW MANY MEMBERS OF THE CALDARI STATE DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame the Gallente for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a planet rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion ISK no-bid contract to an internal megacorp for a new light bulb, but they do not get it done;
6. One to arrange a photograph of the CEO, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how the State's shadowy Board of Directors were literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously attack #7 and make sure he never works again;
9. One to make sure light bulb change plan is accomplished using military forces, along with a massive doomsday weapon campaign of those opposed to the State's plan;
10. One to confuse Caldari about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the State;
11. One to send out media spin about how the light bulb changing campaign has been accomplished perfectly, (even though bulb is still burned out);
12. One to buy off Gallente reporters who will print positive stories about the State's light bulb changing expertise and success stories using tax ISK;
13. One to take charge of starting a campaign to infiltrate groups such as the Sisters of Eve suspected of being terrorists due to their alternative energy or energy saving stance;
14. One to import a cheaper light bulb from the Minmatar Republic, while exporting all high paying union light bulb manufacturing State jobs over to the underpaid Republic;
15. One to announce that the State is no longer subject to any international light bulb treaties or laws, while the megacorp Directors are still saying "The State obeys all laws";
16. One to announce that light bulb torture is OK, in order to extract confessions from them;
17- 29. Twelve govt. dept. cronies to campaign on Holovid and at rallies on how the State's megacorps have had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;30. One to announce the economy is getting better and better due to the State's light bulb policy, meanwhile poverty rate doubles and deficit increases 1,000%;
31. The governing megacorps give out high paying light bulb changing jobs and grants to cronies and fundamentalist Amarr who supported the campaign;
32. Nugoeihuvi Corporation gives extensive coverage of how swell everything is in the light bulb changing world of the State.

<<Blog excerpt: 28/02/23342>>

Well, I'm back from the State finally. I don't want to talk about it, but suffice to say that it wasn't pleasant and I'm even less welcome in Caldari territory now than I ever have been. If anyone really wants to know the details, go ask my cousin. She's ranting and raving to anyone who'll listen.

My time away from the pod and having to deal with planetbound life again with only the holofeeds for outside information reminded me of exactly what kind of a place New Eden is. I was inspired to write a brief travel guide for any tourist who decides to visit. The easily offended should look away now.

I present:

[size=18pt]A tourist's guide to New Eden
[/size]

Welcome to the galaxy of New Eden, your home away from home amongst the stars courtesy of the EvE gate!

Life in New Eden is a vicious, decadent struggle for survival where people are expendable, money is everything and war is a constant state of being.

Gaze upon the remnants of the lost civilisations such as the Yan Jung and the Talocan, picked clean by swarms of exploiting hackers and archaeologists fighting with pirates over scraps of out-dated technology!

Sneak along to the EVE gate itself and watch the unstable distortions tear apart any hapless pilot foolish enough to get too close. Watch out for those pirates swarming the gates on the way, just waiting to get at the contents of your ship.

Marvel at the ancient Amarr Empire and their rigid doctrines! Glorious golden battleships crewed by thousands of subjugated slaves always one injection away from an agonising death in the name of their Masters' God under the ready-made excuse of 'enlightenment'. The Empire boasts a vast sprawling mass of systems held together by feuding Holder Houses and ruled over by a God Emperor: a living relic of a bygone age sporting hypocrisy and inhumanity never before dreamed of all in the name of religion. Other places to visit in the locale include their neighbours the Khanid Kingdom, home to the followers of Khanid also called the heretic dark Amarr, where anyone at all is a potential slave and traders wheel and deal for the largest profit margins! Don't forget to stop by the Ammatar Mandate for that authentic war-torn tin pot regime propped up by their pupptemasters in the Amarr Empire as they fight the Minmatar, once their very own brothers!

Enjoy the vast morass of cultures to be found in the behemoth of bureaucracy that is the Gallente Federation, where wild excess and debauchery are the order of the day as they spout idealisms and equality across all frequencies. In the Federation, you're never more than a few steps away from a brothel or a drug warehouse, where life is cheap and corruption runs rife! Observe closely how the Intaki people are left to fend for themselves against the hordes of pirates and other ne'er do wells as the government hides behind excuses of semi-autonomy. If the thought of possible police turns you off, there's always the neighbouring region of the Syndicate to visit, run by the more shrewd Intaki: all of the black market and pirates with none of those pesky CONCORD!

Peruse the various corporate opportunities that the Caldari State has to offer as megaconglomerates engage in open black ops warfare to bring you, the consumer, the very best deals at literally cut-throat prices. Look on in awe as its obsessive militarism pours money into the Navy at a terrifying rate. Local customs include selling family members for cold, hard ISK and that xenophobic charm never wears off. Whatever you do, don't annoy your employer: the unemployed are the 3rd largest food source! Warning to any Minmatar thinking of travelling to the State, you may be arrested under suspicion of being Terrorists.

View the shambolic Republic: remnants of the once-proud Minmatar people before the arrival of the Amarr decimated their tribes, shattered their civilisation and tore away everything they had achieved! Listen to the rabid rantings of impassioned warriors clinging on desperately to the remains of lost tribal traditions. Hear the tales of hundreds of disenfranchised Matari fleeing to the Federation to drown their sorrows in drugs and alcohol! Witness the infighting between the Republicans and the Freedom Fighters (known outside of Minmatar space as Terrorists) that further destabilise the fragile situation. Don't forget to take a moment to fly past the shipyards where rusty plating and old rope are turned into kamikaze spaceships for pilots who live only to die in glorious battle.

No trip to New Eden would be complete without a visit to the mysterious Jovian Empire where genetic engineering has gone mad and technology reigns supreme. Keep an eye over your shoulder because they might be there watching you, learning all about you, hidden in the shadows no matter where you go...

Finally, the megastars of the galaxy are the capsuleer pilots. Media darlings viewed in awe and jealousy by billions upon billions, where one word can spawn a planet-wide riot and a lazy combat order can resign tens of thousands of crew to the cold death of space. Endless clones and daily genocide have turned many of this creme de la creme into psychotic deranged dangers to society and New Eden loves them for it! No matter how many die, there's always more people queueing up to fly with them, just so they can say 'I was the 3rd assistant reloading technician on xxx's Rupture-class Cruiser': if they survive they'll live off that story for a month!

So come and visit New Eden today: it's an experience you'll never forget!


Perhaps the next issue will cover the wonderful worlds of the various pirate conglomerates.

<<Blog excerpt: 19/07/233341>>

En route to Dammalin I was flicking channels when I came across a rerun of Roche Mitesse's Exploring the Galaxy series. Specifically, he was talking about Hunchaan on Saila III - I'd totally forgotten that he'd come by and filmed it when I was visiting! I'm even quoted on it...

Below is a linked feed:-

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Federation Channel 189: Exploring the Galaxy with Roche Mitesse part 37 - "An Unusual Community"


The brief title sequence cuts to an exotic Gallente male standing before a window into the vastness of space, clearly aboard a space station somewhere.






“Hello and welcome to part 37 of my exploration of the galaxy. This week, I’ve been investigating a little-known community within the Caldari State.”

The backdrop of the station dissolves away behind Roche and slow camera-pan behind him shows the skyline of a Caldari city.

"For the last 70 years, there has been a sizeable Minmatar presence in the prosperous city of Hunchaan on Saila III. Predominantly Sebiestor, with some Brutor, Vherokior and Krusual families, the Matari have integrated with the native Caldari, notably Deteis, and the values of spirit and ingenuity are taught to all alongside honour and efficiency in the schools. It is an unusual situation, given the general xenophobia of the Caldari State, but thus far the community of Hunchaan has proven to be a productive asset."

Behind Roche, a map appears showing Hunchaan to be situated on Saila III, in the Santenpaa constellation of The Citadel.

"The origins of the community begin with a daring escape attempt by a number of Minmatar slaves within the Amarr empire."

The broadcast cuts to a slow-moving zoom on an artist's impression of Amarr slave pens.

"It took months of meticulous planning for the Sebiestor ringleaders to coordinate a mass slave shipment, guarded by specific ships and taken along a particular route. Many lost their lives or vanished never to be seen again but, miraculously, word of the movement never reached the ears of the Holders."

A CGI scene worthy of the latest blockbuster holoreel begins to illustrate the presenter's words... or is it actual footage?

"When the day finally came, the unfortunate escort vessels suffered critical computer malfunctions and it wasn't long before a waiting fleet of freedom fighter ships engaged. In the chaos, the Amarrian staff on board the transports were overwhelmed and the controls seized. The commandeered ships fled towards the Gallente Federation but then doubled back and hid in Caldari space, eventually gathering together in the system of Saila whilst the enraged Holders made accusations against the Federation. Careful manipulation of the gargantuan bureaucracy in the government by sympathisers within kept both Empires in the dark as to where exactly the escapees had gone and the conflict swiftly moved on to the usual topics of ideology and territory."

A static image appears of a fledgling city with Roche standing in a thoughtful pose in front.

"The Minmatar slaves were of varying stock and Holder families, each with skills and knowledge learned from their time under the yoke. Farmers, engineers and tutors, they presented their case to the people of Hunchaan, then just barely a city, and an agreement was made to provide them with an opportunity to prove themselves. Inured to work hard for very little, the former slaves set about demonstrating their worth and within a generation had been granted full citizenship of the city for revolutionising the manufacturing and agriculture sectors."

Footage of Minmatar and Caldari ships flying in formation over Saila III fades in.

"The Minmatar of Saila III identify with both the honourable ideals of the State and the spirit of the Tribes. The brewing conflicts and talk of an Empire war has left the community not knowing where it's role is any more. The increasing anti-Republic undercurrents of the State are slowly starting to catch up with them and whilst Saila III itself is still relatively harmonious, many wonder how long it can last in the face of pressure from the State's propaganda machine. Already one pod pilot raised in the community, who does not wish to be named, has reported that the State has severed all ties and closed it's doors to her for her choice to assist those Minmatar people less fortunate than herself."

The images fade and the camera turns its full focus onto a concerned-looking Roche Mitesse.

"Where will the people of Hunchaan find themselves in these up and coming dark days? Will it tear the very fabric of the community apart or will it galvanise their spirits? I'll be back in the future to follow up on the story of this most unusual community. Until next week, my name is Roche Mitesse and I’m exploring the galaxy."

The program ends with a brief credits roll, then cuts to an advertisement for the latest Egonics 3-month trial offer.