2010-09-05, 20:29
After letting it sunk in, what are people's thoughts about it? 
2010-09-07, 14:58
A little confusing, but I liked it, as it gave some insight into Morgan's motivations and background.
2010-09-07, 20:40
I couldn't follow it all. I could not tell who was talking, how many people where talking and if it was the same group of people talking interspersed with a "cut scene" or different groups of people talking. It was also not clear to me what order things fell in a time line relative to each other.
The writing style isn't bad, and most likely simply adding something to tell me who is talking would be enough to clear up most things. If you don't want to write
Maybe if I knew you in game I'd have enough context clues to follow it, and perhaps i'm simply not the target audience so it doesn't matter.
I'd be interested in rereading it if you made a change to somehow clear up the confusions.
Note: I'm not saying I have to as the reader know what is going on, it is OK for me to be in the dark as the reader left to piece different bits of information together, but I shouldn't be confused as to what material I'm being presented as the reader.
The writing style isn't bad, and most likely simply adding something to tell me who is talking would be enough to clear up most things. If you don't want to write
Quote: bob said, "bla"you can do something like
Quote:A mysterious man in a lab coat, muttered "bla". Or whatever, I'm sure you can come up with a method of conveying such information that fits your writing style.
Maybe if I knew you in game I'd have enough context clues to follow it, and perhaps i'm simply not the target audience so it doesn't matter.
I'd be interested in rereading it if you made a change to somehow clear up the confusions.
Note: I'm not saying I have to as the reader know what is going on, it is OK for me to be in the dark as the reader left to piece different bits of information together, but I shouldn't be confused as to what material I'm being presented as the reader.